I've Found the Cure!

OK, so I am at work. I don’t know anyone who works at my office, who’s at work right now because they have to.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6217485.stm

This link might not work later, but we made BBC headline news, and yet I am at work. It must be because I’m curing cancer. I know, I know – no one person can do it, that’s why the whole office is open.

OK, even Pfizer is closed, and they actually ARE curing cancer. The bitching could go on forever.

Hold on, somebody needs something from me – NO THEY DON’T!

Our Governor had declared a state wide emergency and put the National Guard on standby, it is snowing hard outside and will now continue through Sunday instead of Saturday as previously promised. But we’re here.

Grocery stores are closed; they carry baby formula. We don’t, but we’re open.

Maybe I'll start on curing boredom.

2007?

With breakfast brunch and the second round of A Christmas story, and work looming tomorrow, Christmas is pretty much over. I know it last all day, but for Ukraininas, most of it takes place the Eve before. We didn't have to eat carp because the Russian store sold out of it, yes, someone, anyone sold out of carp. In keeping with Ukrainian orthadox tradition, we did still stick to fish on the Eve.

And now, 2007 is around the corner. This year, my car will turn 10 years old! I remember getting it like it was yesterday. Bright shiny blue/green color, and no one will ever agree on the color with me. Only 18K miles on it. The odometer died about 5 years ago, so who knows now?
Thank you mom and dad!!!!!!!

Bishop will turn 4 and maybe he'll stop being as much of a puppy and not hit his blind side on thing (my dog is missing his left eye). And maybe he'll stop needing 10 minutes of hardcore excercise every day, no matter how frigid it is outside!

I will turn 28 - which menas I'll only have two years to go before, gulp, 30. I'll have only two years to stop being a college kid and try to feel like an adult. I don't know if this is possible - I don't feel like an adult ever, not even when I dish out $130 on the electric bill.

So on top of my new year's resolutions, I need to set some goals for the next two years - the stuff I feel like I should have done.

I feel like I should get rid of my credit card debt completely, so I will try to get rid of half a year over the next two years.

I feel like I should try to figure out what I really want to do with my career - not my job, but my career. I can't go on being dead 40 hours a week for the rest of my life.

I need to figure out what I want in life in general. I doubt I'll ever have enough money to have children AND live a travelling life with early retirement/or part time employment. So what do I want? Freedom? or a family?

Maybe some answers will come to me next year - that would make it a lucky seven!

Waiting for Brunch and Killing Myself!

I love food and I love to eat it. I love everthing about the eating experience. Add a bottle of wine, or a marg and my oral senses are heightened and in ecstacy. If you love food, you will love this blog - http://wellfed.typepad.com/

Last weekend Gus and I made the Chicken Potato chili and it came out great. I hope we will invest in some cookbooks and do this more often, because while going out is great, and it's nice to get dressed up, and lazy, and have some one else do all the work once in a while, the creation of your own meal that you love is a passionate learning process.

There are so many things I want to learn how to make. And so many ingredients I want to work with more: cilantro, avocado, garlic, chili, cayenne pepper, okra, shrimp, scallops, mozarella, parsley, spinach, strawberries, olives, mushrooms, grape tomatoes, dill, basil, tofu, shredded chicken, red onions, yellow onions, green onions, peppers......

I just had a mini orgasm.

One Thing Missing

One of the people closest to me in my life is also the one most futherst away. Rarely a day goes by that we do not communicate, and when it does, I miss him terribly. He's been with me through moves, and heartbreaks, and pet surgeries, unemployment, and never ceases to make my days better with charm, wit, and caring.

Unfortunately, he lives in another country, or the 54th state or something ; ) and I haven't seen him in years. But when other friends and I have grown apart, ran out of things to say to each other, and lost touch, it says a lot that we still have things to ramble on about.

I miss you!

Christmas Morning in the Burbs

It's Christmas morning and everyone is sleeping - I slept on the carpet and some cushions here in the heart of suburbia (no spare room for me). I'm waiting for a delicious brunch and I wish people would just wake up and hang out with me already. I'm sure they all had better nights than me, and are still rolling around in warm and soft beds. Except for my younger bro of course, who I think pulled an all nighter with some game or another.

I feel totally spoiled this year. I couldn't think of anything I needed so evertying I got was a nice luxury item - and those gifts are great; because they're something you would never buy for yourself, or I wouldn't anyway, and then everytime you look at them, you get reminded that some body out there thought of you, and decided you deserved to be spoiled and showered with attention.

My time with the family was great - there was no fighting - wooohooo! My family is a passionate bunch and we've had some Roseanne patented Thansgiving type dinners. If you know what I mean, you're my people. I feel very fortunate to have had my whole family here to share this time with me.

I hope everyone is having a great Christmas!

Snow Storms of the Heart

The road east out of this forsaken town is closed. The roads west and south soon will be too. I remember years ago, when we decided to move to North Carolina, with no planning. I didn’t know yet, that this would be a constant problem with you, nothing was ever planned. I didn’t know that I’d need a million sets of keys, because the only thing you cared to keep track of was your bowl. I didn’t know you would try to cross the border without proof of citizenship and get us stuck. I didn’t know you’d miss flights. I didn’t know that you wouldn’t check weather reports and know that the way east out of this forsaken town would be in the middle of a storm and closed. None of it mattered, I would have followed you to hell – I followed you to Greensboro after all.

I remember your huge motor home, with no heat. At least we had somewhere to “live” when we were stuck at the truck stop for 24 hours. The huge hunk of metal, that wouldn’t start every time we stopped to get gas. I didn’t know that you would know that and forget to mention it. I loved that you knew how to get under the hood, and under the flooring and rig the wires until it would start again, and we’d be free from the side of the freeway.

I didn’t know that if I didn’t do it, there’s no way you’d pack a sleeping bag. And we’d be stuck at the truck stop with nothing to sleep under. We’d empty our bags of clothes, make a huge pile of clothes and shiver under it until the alcohol sent us to sleep. None of it mattered. I remember thinking about how we might one day tell our grand children about the time it took us seven days to make it to Atlanta.

I remember getting stuck at a gas station in Kentucky for nine hours and freezing – and thinking we were done for good. You finally couldn’t figure out how to make the bundle of wires work. I remember finding a picture of your ex girlfriend and first love in a cupboard in your hunk of metal, and hoping you’d feel like that about me some day. I remember going to my first Waffle House to eat, stay warm and kill time until morning came so we could try to get out of Kentucky. I remember you getting tobacco and really pissing me off! And then I remember a random mechanic stopping by, who specialized in electrical systems, at three am in the morning, and working on us for two hours and not wanting anything in return.

I remember you writing “an angel saved my ass last night” with your finger on the dirt of the back of your hunk of metal – and then we made it to Knoxville. It was an awful trip, but none of it mattered. I was following love across the country, wherever it took me.

I remember traveling across the country with you, two years later. I remember sitting on the sprawling stairs of Chicago Art Museum and you telling me that when we got back to Eugene, you would leave me and move back in with your family in Knoxville.

This type of weather will always make me remember of a time when nothing mattered. I had met the person of my dreams and I was going to fight until the end. I’d sleep under clothes with no heat, go to waffle houses, move to North Carolina, get used to dogs, coyotes even, without a second thought. This type of weather will make me hope to be this inspired again, and have some one who wants to keep me warm through it now and forever.

I hope you and Nietzsche are well and happy.

Holiday Partying Galore

Another monday and another good weekend gone, with only memories, and some fuzzy, to get me through another week. At least this one is a short one. I have Thursday off again and will attempt some more Christmas shopping. My brother wants a book and I don't know what to get him. Said he might want to read a classic. Any suggestions? He'll read pretty much anything, from William Gibson to Arundhati Roy. Please, please, help.

The work party was ok, I played skeeball for the first time ever and had a great time. I even played some video games, driving ones. But they weren't that great. If the seats on the motorcycles don't vibrate, I just can't get that into it. A lot of the younger folk used it as an excuse to all get wasted together. Glad I got out in time - before some one convinced me to have a drink, or two, or three or four. It was kind of wierd hanging outand having the Bclub master close but acting so distant. It's wierd the way One day you share so much with some one, and the next everything is different.

The formal evening party was great! Gus was a great date and brought me flowers, and really looked hot in his suit. We must find more reasons to get dressed up! It feels nice to feel pretty. We snuck into a closed exhibit and got kicked out, it felt naughty and fun. But we didn't get to make the rockets, that closed down early.

The ugly sweater party was fun too! As usual my chili was a great hit, but really only after hours. I don't know how to make that many things, so it's good that I know how to make at least one well. I humped an anteater. That anteater got a lot of action that night. First it took it from a bear, then me, then went home with a beautiful young woman. I'm sure her cat will have her way with him too.

Gus and I picked a couple's brain about an idea we have that while it would get us out of the office and working for ourselves, might turn us into alcoholics. Please vote yes, on stem cell research, especially if it is liver related.

On sunday I hung out with my mommy which I never do because we have nothing in common and she's such an introvert. I guess it had been so long that I had enough to talk about though, and so did she. It's kind of wierd when I see/hear my friends who can do all sorts of things with their mom, makes me feel lonely that I can't some times. She's recovering from her surgery very well.

Then I drank whiskey on an empty stomach and felt naseaus. Decided to sleep on the couch. Gus slept on the hardwood floor beside the couch so he could be with me. It made me feel very safe and very cared for. Thank you.

Setups

My first attempt at setting some one up has officially failed. Yes, I denied that it was a set up but it really was. I was meeting two young men and invited a girlfriend thinking that one of the two had to hit it off with her. One of them was clearly not interested, and seemed to be interested in some one else that he really shouldn’t have been interested in because she was taken.

They hit it off at first, but things mellowed out pretty fast, and she can do better anyway. I will try again.

Party #1A

Actually, correction, tonight's party will actually be party 1B as 1 A starts in about 15 minutes. It's our office party and it's at one of those Dave and Buster's type places. I'm going to go get lunch and give my drink tickets away, and maybe play some Cruising! wooohoooo!

Party #1

Tonight I have a formal party to go to with Gus - it's a work party and I won't know almost anyone there but I'm being optimistic just the same. As much as I love camping and being covered in ash for a day or two or three, or getting my dog's slobber all over my face when I get home, I also enjoy a good excuse to dress up.

Also, I've never been to a formal event at a museum, so I'm curious as to how that goes down and what it would be like.

Also, Gus can't dance (self proclaimed anyway) so i'm wondering if I'll get to dance with anyone. And if so, will it be funny?

I don't like parties much. 99% of me doesn't like parties where I don't know anyone. The only benefit is that you could, if you wanted to, make a total jack ass out of yourself and never see anyone again. This doesn't apply here though. But I 100% want to play the role of the good accompanying girlfriend, so I will make the most of it - cape cod's oncluded.

FYI, a recent study found that 40% of spouses who say their company holiday party is for emoloyees only, no guests, do so because they are either cheating with someone at work, or want to hook up with some one at work.

Gus, seriously, mine is employees only = )

Let the Partying Begin!!!!!!

So the day off was pretty worthless as far as Christmas shopping was concerned, but great as far as avoiding the totaly panicky burn out I was facing during my last few hours on Wednesday. It was quite productive in some ways; I woke up before 8am, went to the gym and took the dog to the park all before the Price is Right!

Then I cleaned to avoid going shopping.

But eventually I gave in. The one idea of brilliance I had as far as some friends were concerned failed because the store was out of something specific. It's not something you can get just anywhere either. ICK. They ordered more - but anyone living out of the country might have their gift delayed. Then I went idea shopping for my mommy who's always difficult to shop for. Looked at thousands of cute things but no luck. Then I went to look for ugly sweaters again - found a super ugly sweater vest - with gems. And at the same thrift store I got a teeny tree and some decorations all for under $9! My first own tiny 2ft tree!

After a late lunch at home I hit the mall again - you know which one, the salene infested one by my house with the sooooooo wrong kids play area where little girls and boys ride huge sausages and bananas, and not side saddle - so disturbing. I have been at this mall more in the last week than I have been in the last three months. I got my mommy off the list, and that's about it after two hours of walking around.

Part of the reason I didn't get any more off the list, is because neither of my two brothers called me back yesterday when I left them messages saying I was taking the day off and wanted to get all my shopping done in one day. Why not? Because theyr'e lazy. I just wanted to know if they wanted anything and if they had any idea for the rents. But like effing usual they slacked and of course had no ideas. What else is fucking new. Every birthday, aniversary or mom/dad's day I get stuck doing the shopping and the creative thinking. Why? Because they can't be counted on. Either they would slack til the very last minute until I was sweating it, or they wouldn't get it done at all. It really pisses me off! Being a guy is not an excuse not be able to get your shit together and do something considerate! It's the same kind of bullshit that goes on in offices, wome are almost always the ones that get stuck planning events and dept parties and birthday celebrations and all that crap. And I'm fucking sick of it.

That being said, I love gift giving. And I'm so happy that even though these holidays, and all others are commercial infested, I think it's good that there are days to remind us to do nice things for people.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Let the partying begin!!!!!!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Christmas Finger

Road rage is an awful thing, and completely pointless in any sense of productivity.
Slamming on the breaks and then having to brake abruptly will not get you there any faster
than going a smooth speed, nor will slamming your hands on the steering wheel, or getting
stab-someone-in-the-throat angry and bottling it all inside.

I used to have a horrible road rage problem, when I used to commute an hour to school both
ways during rush hour traiffic through downtowm. At the same time I was dating a guy who
was like a pms'ing girl when it came to punctuality. Even worse. Yes, five minutes counted
as "late". I don't know why I put up with this sort of attitude; I can only boil it down to
a three year lapse in judgment.

But that time in my life, did help me with one realization. Nothing I do in traffic will
make it move any faster. I cannot just honk and remind everyone to move - it's not like
they forgot. But what I can do is enjoy my time stuck in the car: find a talk show I
enjoy, some books on tape, truly enjoy the music I'm listening to, get my phone calls out of
the way, touch myself (under a jacket of course with my low riding car), savor my soft
drink....basically, do what I'd otherwise be doing but enjoying the time, to myself.
Even despite this, I had a bit of the rage today on my way home, after a stressful and long
day which almost drove me to drink. But I caught myself. Which is why it amazes me that
adults who have twice, or more, my life experience still succumb to it, and choose to be
annoyed rather than accept that they are stuck in faith's bottleneck and have a little party
by themselves in their car.

Once, in a King Sooper's parking lot, I did something dumb driving. I don't remember what
it was, but I admit it, I remember it was dumb. And if I and the other driver weren't
paying attention, it would have resulted in a minor bumper bump. whatever. This person was
on their way out of the parking lot and left after giving me the finger. He then proceeded
to turn out of the lot, while I parked my car, made a Uturn, drove back into the parking
lot, just tell me I was a "dumb irresponsible driver who should have their license revoked!
and made a mochary of road rules!" or something ridiculous like that. There were probably
cuss words in there. I gave him my best unplanned stoic looked and went inside to get my
tampons.

So, I didn't go shopping today, I went to work and changed my day off until tomorrow. Yay!
I get to play volleyball late today and sleep in tomorrow!!! And then I get to fight
Christmas shopping traffic, and touch myself. And maybe if pushed to the edgy, I'll give
someone the Christmas holiday spirit finger.

Snow and Sunshine!

I hat a close to perfect weekend. And the only reason I say "close to" is that I fell asleep too early on sunday night. Started out on friday by driving up to the mountains with Liz and her beau, and GUs and drinking and eating and chilling in the hot tub. Was annoyed that we didn't leave as early as we planned but forgot about it quickly. I get really anxious about leaving for trips - especially when I'm so sick of work I just want to get out of town!!!

I spent Saturday teaching Gus how to snowboard and he made good progress. It was good for me too since I needed a refresher. Then ran some errands and went ice skating! I hadn't done that in ages and forgot what a work-out it was. Then had some good seafood and crashed out. Spent sunday skiing and watching a bad football game. Then. back home about as tired as I could be.

Even though it was only a weekend, it was one of those that feels like I've actually been away for a while and did't think about work, or stress, or money. I need to get away more, but...I have no money. Gus and I survived our first vacation/get-away together and there was no fighting or crying or whining. He was great and carried stuff for me and helped me with my ski boots. The weekend was wintery and beautiful and really felt like December and all that is good about the holidays.

And now I'm back and looking forward to the next weekend which will be full of holiday parties. One of them is a formal event, which is nice because I never have an excuse to dress up. I don't know what I'm going to wear yet but I'll figure it out. I'm torn between dresses, red and sexy, or black and boring.

The second party is an ugly sweater party. I spent my lunch at Goodwill and only found 2 or 3 christmas sweaters and they weren't even THAT ugly. I was expecting it to be very easy but it might take some work. I guess they've been picked over :(

I haven't started my Christmas shopping at all. I don't know what I'm doing as far as that goes at all. I don't even know what I'd really like from anyone. It's wierd how you always want stuff but when it's crunch time all you get is a blank. Like when you go to the record store and can't think of any CD's you want. Or any movies you want to rent when you're in Blockbuster. Or any of the books you want to read when you're at Barnes and Noble. I'd like to make presents but I don't have many talents. I can't even think of anything I know how to make - ugh.

I'll probably spend my day off on Wednesday shopping around. After the Price is Right of course!

Fugly Dresses

I could use four things right now and they all start with the letter “B”. The only good thing about Mondays, is that hopefully you have some great weekend memories to reminisce about while you sit at work wanting to be at home. And I do. It was another great weekend, with the exception of Sunday. It started with waking up all antsy and not knowing why. I hate not being able to sleep in on one of the few days I get to sleep in – and even though I took a Tylenol PM? Weird.

And then a bad shopping trip. First of all, I was late and I hate being late especially if some one is waiting for me by themselves, and of course some one was. And then of course everything I tried on was heinous. There’s nothing like a bad shopping trip to send you spiraling into a tunnel of self pity and think about everything that’s wrong with your life. My job is unsatisfying, I’m in debt, I’d like to lose 10lbs, I don’t know how to put up the effing Christmas lights…..blah, blah, blah. Today I just blame the dresses for being fugly – because they really were.

I hate self pity. It’s pretty ridiculous. I feel bad for being down about such superficial things when I have great health, and so does my family. I have a great boyfriend that takes the time to txt me that he misses me all through out the day when I know he’s supposed to be having fun with his friends and not remembering that I exist. And I have a pretty cush job and definitely make enough money for a very decent lifestyle. Millions of people would trade places with me in a heartbeat.

To cheer up Floyd and I went out to dinner at a trendy Mexican place by my house. Service – great. Presentation – great. Food – delicious.

007 Drunk dialed me again so that I could listen to his self pity. I don’t think he calls me sober any more. Didn’t even bother to ask me if I had any self pity to get off my chest, but hey, what else is new?

PHD in Sexology

According to a recent study, when both genders were asked to rate certain statements, men were found to want some one who is "always enthusiastic about sex", while women were found to "want someone who is completely into them."

A study I heard a couple of weeks ago, concluded that the strength of desire a woman has to have sex declines with the time she is with her partner. I figured this would be true for both sexes, but only women were mentioned here, and the drop in desire was dramatic.

According to a recent study, for more than 50% of women, desire does not precede arousal. That is, women do not actually want to have sex, but end up aroused any way because it’s going on.

Are we doomed? Let’s analyze – men want a woman who is excited and initiates, while women often don’t even want to have sex until the man has taken the initiative and arouses them and they remember how much fun it is. Furthermore, this just gets worse over time? The longer a relationship goes on the less interested the woman is in initiating or even participating. This of course probably leads the male to seek other things to “be into” and the woman to feel less appreciated and be even less interested in physical intimacy….and where does this vicious cycle of decay leave everyone?

Today I saw a fake pony at Super Target. It was about 3 feet tall, had moving parts and was furry and had its own pen, and there was a little girl trying to jam a fake carrot in its mouth. She could ride it. This pony was $250. Is this what we’re doing now? Getting children Robo-Ponies?

Worse yet, a couple of months ago, there was a billboard on my way to work, an ad for some network of children’s programming and all it said was “cheaper than buying them a pony”. WTF? Oh yeah, and just the same. Except for the unique relationship and respect for life and responsibility that owning and caring for pony might provide!

I can’t wait until they start making Robo-Absentee-Dad/Mom for the kids. It’ll be just like the real thing! No wait, we don’t even need robots. There can just be fake mom/dad cable programming. We could just have the likes of say, virtual Brad Pitt talking to his own children and it’ll be just like having your own dad around. And finally, a show that’ll appeal to both kid and mom!

I know, I know, it doesn’t have to go that way, blah, blah, blah. But the doctor on the radio today took call after call of the same thing over and over again – and probably too often it does.