Tired on a Monday

Soooo very tired and this last part of the day is dragging. After my regular sunday night cap, I got sucked in to an episode of SATC - it waws a good one, one of the season finales. Also, I had to wait for Gus to show up so I could hug him before sleep.

As a kid I remember watching movies in which women had sophisitcaed accents and gray London Fog - and at the end of a date would ask - "Would you like to come up for a nightcap?" This drove me nuts. WTF is a nightcap. I had no idea. I pictured two people sitting around with slippers and those big white nightgowns that grannies wear in cartoons - complete with poofy sleeping hat. This hat in my head was - the NIGTH CAP.

Now that I am older and a wee bet less naive - is nightcap just code for "wanna screw?".

Fathers, Dad, Donors....

My dad is a wonderful father and I am in complete awe of him. On top of being full of love, even though sometimes misguided, he is smart, hard working, funny, charming, and a sucessful expert in his field, with patents and medals and all that.

Question from dad at father's day dinner: "you guys know you're late in having kids right?"

Yes, we are. I think we're all aware we're running late in life on many levels. With an office full of young blond twenty somethings with big rocks on their fingers, how could I not know? My dad was married by our age - all we have is a string of failed relationships. My dad had his career picked out - we've all picked the wrong major. My parents had kids at my age - I have a dog and my brothers have computers and ipods. My dad worked hard and escaped a commie society and was on his way to patents and medals and all that - I "met expectations" this year.

All these things make me wonder if my dad ever sits back and says, geeze, what did I do wrong? I feel bad for him. Raising really motivated children who were passionate about being great is the only thing that I know of, that he may have failed at. So now he thinks we're not motivated because we don't have kids, so we don't have something pushing us to be superstars.

I don't feel motivated, and I don't think that having kids and crossing my fingers that they'll light a flame is a great strategy and - I hope that none of us kids decide to go for it.

I think though that this weekend with my family has marks the end of a bitchy 2 week funk that I've been in since the bad weekend Gus and I had, and the Sopranos episdoe, and Bish going "missing". Maybe now I can get back to normal and put the shot glass down.

Overheard in Denver

Man: Look at how fast we eat, we're like a bunch of savages!
Chewing man: Did you just call us sandwiches?

Weekend Woes

So I'm coming out of one of the most difficult weekends in my life. First I thought I had to break up with the great boyfriend, who I really want to eat onioin rings with. So I spent the weekend avoiding him and not talking to him. I guess I was too heartbroken and didn't want to hear a truth that might not be what I wanted to hear. So instead I just avoided the issue. This goes against everything that I try to do in a relationship, and everything that I would want some one to do for me, so I guess I deserve the ending to the weekend that I got.

After napping on sunday night, I got up to lock up around 11pm and to make sure bish was in the room. Then I noticed, he's no where to be found.....not on the roof, not in the back yard, and I'm running around the house frantic and calling his name. BISHOP! BISHOP!

The roomie woke up and drove me to some of his favorite spots - the creek...his frisbee park.....then we decide that we must be missing something, and he really must be at home. During this whole time I'm crying histerically and dreading seeing a brown lump dead on the side of the fucking road. Turns out, he was indeed at home. The roomie locked him out at night! And some how he got outside our back yard fence....but he was just chilling behind it and couldn't get back in I guess.

I didn't realize that the roomie was responsible until Monday morning, at which point I txted him to that effect - but I've yet to receive an apology. I need an apology from him! I need that closure!

Series Finale

At first I was annoyed. If you don't watch Sopranos then you've been spared. And if you haven't heard about it, then please tell me where you've been, because it has to be the same magical place where you don't hear about Paris Hilton.

So after all is said and done, the Sopranos ended over onion rings and Journey. At first I was annoyed. But looking back on it I guess I'm glad. After all, even though he's a maniac, I wanted Tony to love his family, and to be loyal to his wife and for them all to end up together. I know he's evil and he's supposed to be the bad guy, but you kinda gotta like him; the show forces you too. And in the end, what do you have if not onion rings and family? Maybe not YOUR family, but hopefully someone you can count on to eat onion rings with you.

Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely worldShe took the midnight train goin anywhereJust a city boy, born and raised in south detroitHe took the midnight train goin anywhereA singer in a smokey roomA smell of wine and cheap perfumeFor a smile they can share the nightIt goes on and on and on and onStrangers waiting, up and down the boulevardTheir shadows searching in the nightStreetlight people, living just to find emotionHiding, somewhere in the nightWorking hard to get my fill,Everybody wants a thrillPayin anything to roll the dice,Just one more timeSome will win, some will loseSome were born to sing the bluesOh, the movie never endsIt goes on and on and on and on(chorus)Dont stop believinHold on to the feelinStreetlight people

One Entry In Paris

So, I haven't posted about Paris.....but I can't turn on the radio without hearing about her on every station. What does this say about America? We must not have enough real problems. I'm sure the radio stations in Darfur aren't reporting on what their version of Paris Hilton is eating/wearing/sucking on.....etc. For this I am thankful.

What I am not thankful for????: the rich manipulating the system. Everyone going into prison has to remove their weaves, she got to keep hers because "it's too tight". She got to keep her blue contacts in for the first couple of days, but yay was eventually forced to remove them. In solitary confinement to avoid danger from other prisoners? OK, fair enough. And now she's out.....for medical reasons. She was too depressed to eat? She was probably afraid to eat without her diet pills. She cried all night? That's what prison's for. She was suicidal? That's when they put you in a room with nothing.

Isn't this what the infirmary is for? Basically she had enough money to have her psychiatrist and lawyer lobby (harass) the sheriff's dept. Boooo!!!!!!

She actually had the opportunity to win the love of America back. All she had to do was serve as much as she had to, and then talk about how she talked to the women in there, they had real problems and how she realized to cherish things more. America would love it! Book deals would be abundant! THE WORLD WOULD REJOICE! Grainy sex videos and N-bombs would be forgiven! And really, isn't that all America wants? A princess with unattainable financial, and genetic luck, who's a bit naughty, but we can justify worshipping???

But now, she bowed out like the spoiled little brat that she is. I have a new respect for Martha Stewart who fought her battle in court, and then did her time.

I only hope that the real reason for her release was the overcrowding in LA prisons, and not this too frail to handle life bullshit.

Answer

According to the e-mail, and e-mails are never wrong:Answer She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist [No, it doesn't say which one but it sounds like Dr. Phil to me -- ELK] used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.

R

I managed to go through a dinner with my parents without some argument about the middle east and the word Jew and Muslim being thrown around too loud in a restaurant and having a political free weekend only to get sucked into Apocalaypto last night. It was really good - and every bit of the R it is rated - if R stands for Rabid Religious Radicalism. No, no, it was really bloody and violent too.

It's absolutely amazing the things that people can do to each other. How people can sell and trade other humans, and how they can hurt them or kill them in the face of pleading and crying and screaming is beyond me. But it begs a question...in our society we're told that when you can do things like that you're a SOCIOPATH. And that there is probably a gene responsible for sympathy to other humans that these people are lacking and then mommy's taunting and daddy's lack of attention combines with these genotypes to create monsters.

so·ci·o·path Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[soh-see-uh-path, soh-shee-]
–noun Psychiatry.
a person, as a psychopathic personality, whose behavior is antisocial and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.

So should I assume that the whole Mayan civilization known for it's slave trading and gory rituals was full of sociopaths? There's a slight possibility that to succeed in that civilization you needed to be completely brutal and self or own tribe serving, and all of the bleeding hearts died off or were killed and therefore the whole tribe was lacking this gene. But this is not too likely in my humble opinion.

The other option? Sociopathy can be taught. Or rather, sympathy must be taught??? We see these things all over the world. Palestinian's who have loved ones and families, not really feeling anything for the Jewish children, mothers, fathers they bomb. The Nazis who really were convinced that all Jewish people were sub standard and had to go. The Sudanese militia that is driving the Darfur conflict. These are mass groups of people that used to be normal, and have somehow achieved some kind of group mentality where it's us vs. them....and them don't matter. It's scary and sad.

It was a very sad movie and reminds me how lucky I am to be born a woman, in this time and to be living in this great place and be afforded all of the opportunities I am. And if you can read this, chances are you too, are just as lucky.

And just for fun, if you get the answer to this question right, then you are supposed to be a sociopath:

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a man whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, her dream guy, and she fell in love with him right there, but she never asked for his number and then could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

I got it right instantly when my friend asked me - this worries me. Answer to come.

Just Can't Keep It On

Ugh - I was just in a bathroom with two swimsuit models getting ready for a photo shoot with nothing but their swimsuits on. Where I work we put out ads and they have pictures, and these our shot at our lovely photo studio. Ugh - it's been about oh say - 10 years if not 28 since I've felt good in a swimsuit? These girls had not an ounce of body fat where they shouldn't nor did they have any cellulite.

My friend - we shall call him Rett is always complaining about not being able to keep the weight on. I was also at the gym last week when a girl was weighing herself, and someone joked "don't worry, your shoes add 20lbs", she answered, "Oh, that's not my problem, I can never keep it on"......Boooooo hooooo, you get to drink, eat and sit around a little more than you'd like to so that you can KEEP IT ON!

I tell Rett that is a good problem to have and tell him about how if I'm bad for 4 days in a row I can bet I've gained weight. I don't weigh myself ever, but I do know how my clothes fit and everything I do makes a difference. As a result, I work out about 3-4 times a week and count calories almost every day of my life and as my metabolism slows down it will only get worse and more difficult to stay in shape and keep my energy up. I'm healthier now then I've been before, and it feels great, but it can get so tiring.

Rett makes a good point - the true answer is that NOBODY's happy with their bodies. I find this hard to swallow without a stiff drink to wash it down with. I know everything is relative and I'm generally healthy and lucky, and I'm sure that plenty of girls with less will power or slower metabolisms than mine, wish to have a body like mine when they see me walk by......but I just don't have any pity for the likes of Gisele Bundchen saying she worries because she doesn't get hit on as much as when she was younger, or how hard her awkward phase was in high school!

And yes, maybe everyone has insecurities that are all relative, but you fast-metablolism I-get-to-eat-what-I-want people - please, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!