Unneccessary Violence

I haven't felt that unsafe in my neighbourhood - even though there's lots of dilapidated housing and definitely a lower income crowd living around me. Even when we called the cops - or rather the roommie's ex did - I wasn't really feeling it - it was for a bunch of drunk people that looked like they were about to take their screaming and cussing fight to a physical level. I guess I just consider that all drunk talk - especially since it was between girls.

Another reason is that I have a large dog who looks pretty mean when he wants to, and pepper spray. But all of this seems pretty trivial when I think about the fact that people around me are brandishing guns. In my last neighbourhood, the only time I was ever scared was when I slept on the couch downstairs and woke up to a gunshot, and then another one 2 or so minutes later closer to me. I was happy for my safety doors.

Here I have low windows, normal doors, no second floor.....just a dog, and pepper spray.

Two people got shot less than two blocks away from my house today - one in the face, and one in the head - and luckily both are expected to survive. This was robbing the corner store. There is no way you could rob that place and get more than $200, but some people just suck being fucking evil sucking.

They haven't caught they guy, but I hope it's only a matter of time. There are too many children running around here for that kind of thing.

Chick Flicks

It's getting colder and time for fall. I've got a bit of a cold but nothing that a chick flick, blankie and bottle of wine can't fix. A room mate once told an ex of mine that there are 3 movies that every guy should have in order to keep a girl happy and always have something to watch if he brings home a date.....Pretty Woman, Grease and something else. I've never gotten into any of these. So in mental prep for the winter, I'm dreaming of my favorite chick flicks, and wish I was home this fine Monday - as I do all mondays though.

Thelma and Louise
Great Expectations
Sense and Sensibility
Little Women
Beautiful Girls
My Best Friend's Wedding
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Pretty in Pink
When Harry Met Sally - pretty much anything Meg Ryan, pre-collagen lip injections
Fried Green Tomatoes
Joy Luck Club
Hope Floats
Where the Heart Is
Bridget Jones' Diary

Agghhh - Favorite Wine - Sauvignon Blanc

Favorite blankie - Gus.

Shake it, shake it!

Ok, so I think I saw a mob shakedown this morning. I witnessed one so to speak. I'm not feeling well but decided to take bish to the park to be able to chill out and spend the day in bed for the rest of the day.

So I stop at the park, 6 blocks or so away. As I'm getting out of the car I notice the "la familia" recreation center. And believe me, I'm never one to stereotype or judge, haha, but already I'm picturing fat men learning the craft of cutting off pinkies and throwing glitter and macaroni in the bloody stump in my head....and giggling in my head.

Then as I throw the first Frisbee for the bish, a "waste management" truck pulls up. I shit you not. And a 2 large guys get out of it. One guy comes out of the rec center and is all "I swear...I didn't think I had to deal with this til Sunday" or something. It was tough to understand him. I got behind a building at the park so I wouldn't be a witness....a loose end so to speak, and the arguing continued for about 10 minutes - still going on while I was leaving, and there was screaming.

Mind you, if it was give me my pinky back and stop it with the glitter screaming I would have called someone - but I guess it was a pretty harmless shakedown. Whatever that means.

This was at 7:15 - am.

new fave screaming song......

........teenagers scare the living shit out of me!!!!

Falling

It's a very fall day in D town....it's cool, and overcast and a good day for reflecting. I should be relishing having the place to myself (roomie is out of town) but I'm sick, and I'm tired and I miss my old apartment and my seat overlooking an action packed intersection while I type - it felt very SATC and I fucking miss it. And soon I will miss the summer too.

I can't remember how it came up but some not so fun events in my past have come into my emotional spotlight in the past couple of days, all dealing with a certain ex and leaving me feeling "what the f#$% was I thinking?".

Seriously.

I was with this guy, we'll call him C - for 3 years. In the end I left him but I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. He was troubled in his own way, and I was at the time and somehow we bonded over our troubles. But how much bonding does a relationship make?

I was taken back to the night when I woke up with a sharp pain by my right hip. Mother, as all mom's are wonderful, has been asking me my whole life where it hurts and making sure it's not a burst appendix. So I think, OMG my appendix burst? I'm soo going to die. I wake up next to C and tell him I'm in pain and that it's weird and I don't know what to do. I can't remember if he says anything or offers anything. The pain is so bad I can't fall back asleep and it's approximately 3am. I wake him up again and tell him I'm going to the hospital and he says "OK" and goes back to bed.

So I drive myself to the emergency room while my boyfriend is cozy in bed. Should have been a wake up call, no pun intended, but like a kicked dog I went back for more.

It was an ovarian cyst that was quite common but abnormally large and the pain was gone on it's own by the next day. When I told C all about it, he said "I didn't REALLY think you were going to the hospital"....wtf?

I remember one of the moments when I knew for sure it was wrong to be with him. I woke up finding that I had had a visit from the evil bloody beast overnight, which usually doesn't happen and bled all over C's mattress. He was already at work. I did my best to try to dilute the stain but there's really not much you can do. When I talked to him later and mentioned it he was sooo annoyed. I didn't get any "I'm sorry you had to deal with that in the morning, before classes" or anything, just annoyance and disgust.

Disgust? This is the cross we all fucking carry as women so the population can go on! Grow up!

In the end, after he had broken my heart over and over and then begged me to take him back I left him at the eleventh hour. Why did I take so much shit? I don't know. Maybe it was the fact that I came out of an abusive relationship before and I didn't know guys were supposed to be nice to you. Maybe it's my weird mix of way high and way low self esteem - and I never know which one I'm going to get. Who knows.

In the end, we spoke recently. He says I broke his heart. He says he had to drink and casual fuck his way out of the heartbreak. I've never told him how much he hurt me when we were together, and I feel like it's my fault more than anything. I mean, if I broke his heart, then he must have loved me somehow. Maybe more than the abusive dog owner misses the cowering dog he no longer has to kick around. So why did he treat me this way? Maybe just cuz I let him. He is a good person, but I think he had no clue and I didn't give him one. I didn't tell him what he was doing was wrong and I didn't ask for more.

And I didn't get more. Should I tell him? I don't think so. But should I?

Drunk at Vogue

At least it's a short week, right?

The weekend was too good to ever end - but I spent way too much money on dinners and beers and all that stuff. Friday night was the only low key day, and Gus and I didn't do much but watch a roast of Flava Flave. I am usually the offensive one, and even I was offended by the cruel and politically incorrect humor that goes on at a roast - it was funny - don't get me wrong - but even I was uncomfortable for the people involved at times - was not expecting this.

Saturday we cleaned the kitchen in the old apt and then had fun for the rest of the night!

After working a shift at the store on sunday, I had the rents and bro over for dinner. hosted with them. Gus was a great help and had done most of the shopping for this and much of the cooking and dinner was a success. After 2 bottles of wine my parents and younger bro left full and happy. Thank you sooooo much Gus!

Yesterday, we decided to say buhbye to summer by doing the lake up proper and even brought the grill. The food was awesome, and the water felt amazing on my skin. I got a little too much sun even though I had screen on, but it was the way that summer days should be. After coming home and fulfilling our wing tradition we watched some more SATC - I really need to slow down on this or I'll have nothing left to watch - and I'll be sad : ( Or maybe I'll find another show to love.......but nothing is SATC!

Must not spend money next weekend.