Unsettling Settling

It's New Year's day! A day of new beginnings, chances to start over, and encouragement to improve ourselves - and despite the way this entry will sound, I am extremely happy, and excited!

What I am unhappy about, is the way some people repeatedly make the decision to be unhappy.
I had a great day - the kind of joking and jabbing that only a close loving family can sprinkle on each other over shots of Grey Goose at brunch. People are getting pregnant. My unclue just had twins, and the three of us children are childless. Jokes were made, about my brothers' difficulty in forming relationships, and my difficulty in staying in them. Blah blah blah. I liked it more when it was called "NY's Brunch 2006"

Yes, I've had a lot of relationships. And I'm okay with that. I don't give a shit about them failing any more, because they all failed for a reason. My family in Poland, gossips that I change men like gloves. I'm not really sure what that means - I keep my gloves around for a very long time. Panties would make more sense, but gloves? This I believe is my punishment for being free and young while my cousin in Poland got knocked up at 18 out of wedlock and consequently married an abusive man. I welcome this punishment with open arms and mouth over the alternative.

This rant is going no where fast, while the cocktail gets stronger towards the bottom of the glass.

Ok, so she knows where kids come from, and still got knocked up. I speak of this so negatively only because she in no way wanted it. She told me when I was visiting that she was going to try to skip out to another country to have an abortion (Poland is the most Catholic country in the wolrd after all), and if she couldn't, she would kill herself in the ninth month. I contacted all the well-off kids I knew in canada and couldn't get the money together for her. She didn't kill herself. Years later, after the divorce from the abusive ugly disgusting pig of a man, her neighbour, who knew the whole story, got knocked up by the same guy. WTF are you thinking???!

I heard today my uncle might be getting back together with the wench of his wife. I love the triumpth of love. I really do. But this is not love. I'm not sure when the last time was that she's let him have sex with her: meanwhile she's had numerous affairs with men she's met online, while claiming that sex with her husband is too painful, getting knocked up after claiming that she never would/could again even though my uncle has ALWAYS wanted a big family, and threatened to cry beating and take his daughter away if he ever followed through with a divorce. WTF is she thinking? There is more, but I'll save it for Springer.

And now, after all of this, he's thinking about getting back together with her. WTF are you thinking? He's just had twins with a woman that was totally enamoured with him, and he won't get his balls together enough to bring her to Canada and make it work. Instead, he's going to stay in his comfortfuckingable zone and make the decision to never have good sex again, not have the family he's dreamed of, or never be with a woman who sees him as a knight on a ferocious Ukrainian horse again. WTF are you thinking?!?!

I just don't get it. I could go on and on - but it doesn't matter. Maybe like my older bro said today, Psychology would frustrate me, because inevitably PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE.

If that's the case, then I guess I'm lucky. Because I'm bitchy and obstinate and demanding already. I want what I want and I won't settle for less. And no one's gonig to really want me for the long run, unless they really want ME. And maybe that means I'll keep changing gloves, and end up with cold hands, and eleven cats, and a box of wine; but I won't be a wench lover, or an abusive manpig lover, or a "woe is me" wife who has no hope of ever breaking out of her uncomforfcukingable zone.

Now, I have to see if I can put this on a floppy so I can have the hope of posting it at work. Yes, a three and a ahalf inch floppy. How sad is that? It's 2007? And I'm about to go looking for an uninfected floppy? From my undergrad years, no less!