I Resolve

I am a binge drinker - very different from an alcoholic but not good either. When the man I thought was going to be the love of my life was turning me into a WOW widow, and then left me I drank to deal with it and to be able to fall asleep alone after crying. Shortly after I started dating a full blown alke and that didn't help things. And now I have a sleeping problem and have trouble falling asleep next to someone even if I'm in love. It was the worst with Gus - at first I think because I was excited and antsy.

And lastly, I'm a hedonist. While I don't get addicted to things and don't have an addicgtive personality - I over do everything I like. I can't not go for the last sushi piece, can't leave for work on time and not enjoy that one more minute with bishop or Gus in bed, and can't say no to the next drink. I used to do it with food, but it was a loooooong time weaning and changing myslelf there - sushi is too healthy and it doesn't count = ). If I did it once, I can do it again.

I'm no ball of sunshine every day. And while I have never believed that alcohol is a truth serum - I think it's an exaggerator. So something that might have popped in and out of your head like an evil thought, a strong feeling of love, or paranoia will hang around and become a subject of passion and dwelling. This is causing me to pick fights with someone who is always awesome and in a good mood and trying to make my life easier - Gus.

I'm making a mid year resolution tonight to cut down on drinking, and stop fighting with Gus - no more. I know fights will still happen because I'm not the kind of easy going person that will never get upset about anything, but the pointless fights need to stop. He doesn't deserve it - I am sitting writing this while my favorite flowers are sitting on my desk smelling sweetly and reminding me how great he is. And if I can't cut down then I'm out of control and will stop for a while. See how it goes.