Tale of a WOW Widow

I am a WOW Widow. Except in my case I think it was Starcraft - but it really doesn't make any fucking difference. Why am I so paranoid about things going wrong now that they're going great? I spent Tuesday at work reading WOW widow support chat rooms - big mistake.

Years ago, before I met the man I'm head over now, I went head over for another man, who I will call....hmmmmm.....what was his character name.......we'll call him Moose. We hit it off right away. Moose was the guy that would say "let's go outside and throw a Frisbee around" when we were all watching sitcom reruns like zombies. He had a tight rope outside his apt and was good at walking it - all kinds of weird skills and interests. He swept me off my feet and showed me that unlike some of my ex's, there is a right way to treat a women. That asking your gf to get out of bed in the middle of the night to get YOU a glass of water is not what every guy does and that guys should get the fuck up when you're carrying bags and help you with them.

We got intense too fast, and I moved to NC for him after having spent only 3 weeks total with him. I got massages all the time, and food cooked for me, and did fun things. We hated NC but we had so much fun that it didn't matter because we could always find a way to have fun, and have stuff to talk about and even though he didn't have a job he was still the most interesting, fascinating person I had met.

Fast forward one year. Still no job but swears he'll get one when we move to OR. NC was a tough job market anyway. We move to OR and he doesn't get a job. Months later there are days that go by that he doesn't talk to me all day, even though we're in the same apt because he's attached to the keyboard. I start sleeping alone to the sound of keyboard and mouse clicking and when I get home from grad school in the morning he's still in bed and doesn't even give a shit about being on the same sleep schedule as me.

I start starting fights just to get attention. I start crying by myself with a box of wine and I know he can hear me but thinks I did it to myself. He tells me he's going through a phase. He tells me if he didn't have me he'd hit rock bottom. He tells me that he doesn't know why he doesn't feel in love and doesn't know if he can ever feel that way again - after Gina. Whatever.

I call BS.

I ask, "If I knew how you felt and what was in your head, would I want to break up with you?" - I get a "no".

In retrospect, this is the only thing he was really dishonest about, and I think it was more of just not understanding me and the passionate love that I want in a partner. And I should have known it wasn't just a phase. You don't play Starcraft for a year if you don't have a problem, and if you love your girlfriend. But I couldn't believe that we couldn't go back to the way things were when we started out - and I dragged it out too long.

I don't know how many times I cried alone. Now that I know better I'm going to the extremes and looking for any sign of making the same mistake twice. I'm deathly afraid of complacency.

If you are a WOW widow, get out. If you know a WOW widow, tell them to get out. It's not a phase. The game NEVER ENDS.