Weekend Regrets

Yesterday was just one of those days. It should have been much better as I knew I was going to be hanging out with family and Gus. But it started out with a bang and I was upset before brunch. While in MX with Gus's family, I was asked to leave the family picture, in a round about way. Which was fine I guess - I ended up being the one to take it. And hey it's all family...But what do I see in the basement of Gus's parents' house? A family picture with Gus and the ex canoodling and looking too happy for my taste. It really hurt my feelings - I know it's petty but I couldn't help it. Then one thing after another and everything bugged me or hurt me....for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately there was no one but Gus for me to be angry at even though he didn't deserve it. We play vball with this particular ex every week and until yesterday it never bothered me.

Jealousy is one of my ugliest characteristics. It used to be worse and fed by my high school friends. We were extremely competitive and always trying to out do each other. At one point enough was enough and when I seperated from them the jalousy faded. I'm not the kind of girl who needs to be the prettiest in the room, or the one with the best shoes, or smallest ass.

Yesterday it came back full force - fueled by a bad morning and a stiff drink and now I just feel guilty for taking it out on Gus who is too sweeta nd patient with me. In my quest to be a better person I failed miserably. But hey, maybe I just had a really off day - I hear it happens.